<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Red-tinted Rinks by Hello11</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29033304">Red-tinted Rinks</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hello11/pseuds/Hello11'>Hello11</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Assassination Classroom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, I Tried, Ice Skating, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Karushuu Week, Karushuu Week 2021, Light Angst, M/M, karushuu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:29:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,610</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29033304</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hello11/pseuds/Hello11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Slicing sounds of skates against ice, the rink which waits for him in the early mornings, skates against ice, skates against skin, blood red covering the ice like tinted glass.</p>
<p>Gakushuu loved the control it offered, the lines and spins and curves and squiggles he could carve against the ice for hours on hours end - the speed, the power, the control he felt when gliding against the ice - the grip he held on the blade as it danced against his paper-thin skin - feeling as if he was untouchable, detached from everybody else, away, too far gone, gliding on the ice, slicing through his own skin.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>(Written for Karushuu week 2021)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akabane Karma &amp; Asano Gakushuu, Akabane Karma/Asano Gakushuu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Red-tinted Rinks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Day 3: Ice Skating</p>
<p>(Slight Trigger Warning!)</p>
<p>(Once again: unfulfilling ending.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Slicing sounds of skates against ice, the rink which waits for him in the early mornings, skates against ice, skates against skin, blood red covering the ice like tinted glass.</p>
<p>Gakushuu loved the control it offered, the lines and spins and curves and squiggles he could carve against the ice for hours on hours end - the speed, the power, the control he felt when gliding against the ice - the grip he held on the blade as it danced against his paper-thin skin - feeling as if he was untouchable, detached from everybody else, away, too far gone, gliding on the ice, slicing through his own skin.</p>
<p>Too far gone, too high on the pedestal, too far on the ice - skating further than the rest, nine beats ahead yet still 20 behind the man he called <em>father</em> - none being able to catch up to him as the wind rushed past his face, blood not yet dripping down his arms - he still won those days, not yet a complete failure.</p>
<p>The moon explodes - 70% of it gone as he doesn't spare a glance to the night sky, eyes entranced on the glistening ice, eyes on the prize, forever focused on his goals, unfaltering.</p>
<p>(It feels surreal now, useless, knowing he had such arbitrary goals and wishes while the ones above the mountain battled against life and death for the sake of earth as he acted as a mere nuisance towards them, but isn't that what he always was?</p>
<p>A weak, pathetic, nuisance, legs buckling and collapsing as the crack of bones and systemic moves of that monster aim to knock and draw blood of the people <em>he</em> brought there because  he failed—)</p>
<p>Something is different this year, yellow blobs phasing in and out of his peripheral as the Principal grows tense, paranoid, wary, <em>something</em> was happening on that mountain, what could it be? Gakushuu didn't know then, and he now finds himself wondering, if he knew back then, would he have spared them a moments time of sympathy or leniency? Would he have tried less to antagonize and defeat them? Would he have been kinder towards them?</p>
<p>No, he was ever obsessed with bringing the Principal down that he didn't care for anybody else, he didn't care for the poor, poor E class who had to assassinate the apparent moon-destroying creature known as <em>Koro-sensei</em> (the one who could be viewed as more of a parental figure to them then some of their own <em>parents</em>), their lives constantly being in danger as he was a complete and utter jerk - he deserved this, didn't he? Skates against ice, ice against skates, skates against skin, ice against skin - blood is drawn and ice burns burn, he deserves this.</p>
<p>A small-scale tornado is seen on the mountain as the Principal decides to add new materiel a short while before the first mid-terms - and 3-E, even the typically highly-graded students, drop like flies through the ranks, save for Akabane, who gets fourth.</p>
<p>(Gakushuu had once... abhorred Akabane, a delinquent who had always neglected to ever study, yet still managed to score higher than those who ripped themselves apart studying. He was a delinquent, a delinquent who managed to skate only 2 beats behind him and coming so close, <em>so close</em>, as he did what he pleased and remained only-slightly behind Gakushuu himself.</p>
<p>He hated him, how couldn't he? He tried and tried and <em>tried</em> his whole life, and could be marginally matched by ones who didn't?)</p>
<p>(Later, as they speak over skates on ice at an ice rink, Karma tells him how much he hated Gakushuu, back in the day, when he wrote that speech for Takebayashi, belittling and hating on E class, and when he challenged them to pole-toppling.</p>
<p>"You seemed like a stuck-up, pompous, main campus asshole who thought they were better than everybody else because daddy or mommy was a little richer and you were a little smarter — don't give me that look, I know differently now! — who was desperately pining for your fathers attention and I... found it kind of pathetic, that you were trying so hard when you could just take it easy, — again, I know better now! I learned my lesson! Shut up, you know you love me.</p>
<p>At first, you were simply a means to an end for me, you were to be my 'sacrifice' - <em>okay, screw you, I thought you were supposed to be smart, that was in the past! I've changed! No, I'm not giving up my bottles of wasabi, fuck you </em>- then you were... a major bitch, when Takebayashi told us what you were making him say in the speech and it made me mad, that you were describing my friends as monsters and scum? Excuse me? Isogai? Kanzaki? Kurahashi? Monsters? Yeah, you were full of it.</p>
<p>I was mad then, but it made me absolutely <em>livid</em> when you challenged us to pole toppling, threatening to get Isogai fired and expelled when he was only supporting his family, when he <em>needed</em> the money, you know? Yeah, you were a major dick and nobody in E class really liked you.</p>
<p>Do you know how it feels to be shunned and forgotten and thrown away and told you're weak, pathetic, useless and a loser? To be bullied and cursed and gossiped about? No? Neither do I, but my classmates do, they felt it first-hand, what kind of prejudice and discrimination that system brought them, and here you were, threatening to expel Isogai, somebody less fortunate then yourself, a dead father and a sick mother, the only person in his household able to support himself and his siblings, and you threatened to tear his life apart, for what? A petty display of power? Superiority? We hated you, and that was to be expected.</p>
<p>Then you asked us to 'assassinate' your fathers educational philosophy and we all thought, <em>"hey, who wouldn't turn out to be a major prick when growing up under the Principal?"</em> And we were good — <em>maybe not just like that</em>, but we fuck now, so does any of it really matter anymore? — Why the sudden interest? Don't tell me you've been regretting it, again? Shuu, everybody's forgiven you already, you should forget about it now.")</p>
<p>Gakushuu won't admit it, but he's... afraid, to forget of what he'd done in the past. He's scared of returning to what he was, somebody obsessed with such false strength, finding solace in shards of glass cutting through his skin as he ignores everything else not remotely related to strength - including his own bodies basic functions, neglecting to even sleep or eat.</p>
<p>Was he really ever the winner? Part of the strong? He watched the supposed 'weak' laugh and enjoy themselves as he locked himself in a room and dragged the wrong end of a pen-knife across his skin. Who was the loser, then? The ones who were enjoying themselves or the one who was killing himself to attain false perfection?</p>
<p>He never really was the winner, not ever, not really.</p>
<p>———</p>
<p>It started off as an accident, slicing his palm against the backside of the blade as he untied the knots on his skates, 9 points behind his intended goal and a loss in three of five, the blazing summer heat doing nothing to help how ice cold he felt as he glided on the ice, skates against ice, skates against skin, blood on ice, blood on glass, glass drawing blood - and he lost an idiotic bet to 3-E as he falters in his elegant glide on the rink, it's his first failure in a while and that man won't let him forget it.</p>
<p>It's the first of many failures, Gakushuu soon realizes, as everything else comes crashing over him.</p>
<p>The rink had never quite been as delicate as it was then, when in a desperate attempt to placate his fathers' whims he challenges 3-E to pole-toppling, hoping to have another public win -in order to retain order among the masses, where whispers of <em> 3-E not being as bad as it seemed </em> started squirming it's way into his ears and his fathers aura had never <em> quite </em> felt so deadly before.</p>
<p>A class had always excelled in everything - academic and otherwise, they won even when regarding physical competitions, but Gakushuu doesn't solely want to <em>win</em>, he wants to <em>crush</em> E class into dirt and dust and stop his father from ever belittling them again.</p>
<p>He invites 4 famous athletes-in-the-making, giving strict instructions on how to win, how to <em>crush</em> their enemies.</p>
<p>Oh, how Gakushuu regrets it.</p>
<p>He regrets not being able to do anything but call the ambulance and send the four back to their home countries, begging to whatever superior source out there that they wouldn't suffer any long-term predicaments that could impair them or their future careers in anyway.</p>
<p>He regrets silently cleaning the office he so despises of blood, keeping a stoic face as someone asks <em>'What happened?'</em> he couldn't bring himself to say.</p>
<p><em>'Nothing.'</em> He would reply, shaking his head as a fire of rage inside him is accumulated, only to be smothered by a fog of <em>fear, fear, fear—</em></p>
<p>He regrets not confiding in Karma of what truly happened that day, not allowing himself any sorts of comfort about the situation, the most the other was able to tell him was jokingly stupidity.</p>
<p>("Says a lot about your type in men, you like the muscly kind, <em>huh?</em> Maybe I should gain some more muscle, just for you, Shuuey?"</p>
<p>"I absolutely <em>despise</em> you.")</p>
<p>— —</p>
<p>("I don't understand how you managed to gather those burly foreigners on such short notice, Shuu, isn't it against the rules? I thought you liked playing <em>fair and square?</em> That seems very underhand, even for you, all to get Isogai expelled? How rude of you, Second-Place."</p>
<p>"If you - and E class - actually knew what the rules were, Karma, you would know it is in no way prohibited to utilize Exchange students for extra-curricular's and competitions, it has happened many times before - in Kunugigoaka and otherwise, I simply took advantage of that small fact. Besides, you're one to talk about underhanded tactics, didn't 3-E spy on 3-A in order to counter our attacks? Sounds very <em>underhanded</em> to me."</p>
<p>"We weren't the ones trying to get Isogai expelled!")</p>
<p>Gakushuu regrets it.</p>
<p>He regrets challenging 3-E to that idiotic competition, inviting Jose, Kevin, Camille and Sang Hyuk to compete with him - he regrets being such an incompetent leader and allowing their pole to hit the ground first, he regrets not making Kevin know of the consequences of speaking back to the Principal, he regrets being such a <em>coward</em>, too afraid to help the bloody and bruised kids in front of him as something akin to fear stirs in his chest.</p>
<p>He regrets a lot, but he regrets this the most, he regrets treating 3-E as he did, and it doesn't allow him to sleep at night.</p>
<p>He regrets so much, a guilt so weighted and heavy laying on his chest, regarding that entire year. He regrets not doing more to help 3-E, not doing more to notice that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't all grades.</p>
<p>He regrets not taking the time to notice that not everybody deserved to be in E class, not everybody merely 'weak' or 'stupid'.</p>
<p>He regrets not realizing that maybe, just maybe, there was more to them then simply marks on a paper. Whether it was to support their poor family, visit a brother during chemotherapy, falling into depression as they lose any motivation to work, abusive families or bullies, he regrets not noticing they may have had more issues then Gakushuu has initially seen, initially allowed himself to see, turning a blind eye to everything else.</p>
<p>He regrets not noticing their predicament with Koro-sensei, how much he meant to them, how much he still <em>means</em> to them, how much it hurt to plunge that knife through his heart.</p>
<p>He regrets not doing more to comfort them, through that pain.</p>
<p>The rink had begun to chip away, little by little, piece by piece, failure one, failure two, failure three— and a short-circuit.</p>
<p>(Not poisoning 3-E's food during the fall festival is one thing he does not regret, yet he can't help but wonder if that defiance against his father had caused him to run 3-A through the ground, just a little harder. The guilt festers in his heart, once again.)</p>
<p>The skates and blades had not yet stopped slicing his skin, but he swallows his pride and bows his head to his former schoolmates in E class, knowing exactly what he had to do.</p>
<p>This is another thing, he doesn't regret. He doesn't regret this at all.</p>
<p>
  <em>"I need you to assassinate my father's ideology."</em>
</p>
<p>He wonders what they thought of him, at that moment. Pitiful? Because he admits his father is insane? Were they angry at him? The wounds of abuse and bullying at his hands having not yet fully healed?</p>
<p>He doesn't know what they think of him, but he knows what he thinks of himself, so the backside of his skates embed themselves once more into his skin, slicing both ice and flesh, the red-tinted rinks not escaping his vision as he's exiled for two weeks, from his own classroom.</p>
<p>Gakushuu knows exactly what he thinks of Akabane (he was not yet Karma, back then, and he was still Asano, not yet Gakushuu) as he tells him <em>"I'll be the one who gets first place, not you, but you'll look just as good in tenth place!"</em></p>
<p>("I did well to keep that promise, huh, Second-Place, Shuu-kun? Admit it, I'm better than you~" And Gakushuu throws the backside of his blade to his head.)</p>
<p>
  <em>"Come at us like you want us dead."</em>
</p>
<p>And Gakushuu had always known E class were ones for the dramatics, but it was quite ironic how realistic yet simultaneously angsty they were being at the time.</p>
<p>Akabane is... an enigma, Gakushuu had always thought, an enigma who he had once despised for being so complacent in his studies yet still marking high - yet learned his lesson when he flaunted how he would win without trying, failing when he could have won. He won second place during mid-terms (fair and square, yet it still ticked Gakushuu off how he was able to have not studied for two weeks yet still managed to come close to surpassing him, if only he had it that easy) and had won something else during finals.</p>
<p>No matter how many times Gakushuu had closed his eyes, trying to convince himself that <em>this was a lie</em>, he would open them again to find that it was, in fact, the morbid truth.</p>
<p>There's a lesson in there, somewhere, how everybody's standards are a little different, but this was absolutely ridiculous.</p>
<p>He could imagine somebody cheering in glee for attaining a mark anywhere inside of the top 50, being satisfied with something such as (and he shudders as he thinks this) <em>Rank 32 (the horror)</em> or so, but this was, again, absolutely ridiculous.</p>
<p>Nobody in their right mind would call coming Second a failure, but then again, Gakushuu Asano really isn't in his right mind.</p>
<p>The rink finally explodes and shatters into smithereens when his father backhands him so hard he's flung across the room, left to swim inside the freezing cold water of what was once a beautiful rink of ice, pools of red building up in the clear water as he smirks.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Don't tell me I'm finally seeing your fatherly side."</em>
</p>
<p>It doesn't hurt, not really, it merely stings, but the glee Gakushuu feels is <em>something else.</em></p>
<p>He laughs and laughs and laughs as he's led to the nurses office, unable to even stand by himself, he laughs and laughs and laughs as those around him beg him to stop.</p>
<p>He laughs and laughs and laughs until he cries and cries and cries and those don't stop either.</p>
<p>Nobody really knows of his affiliation with red-tinted rinks and the back of skates to skin, and he doesn't really want anybody to know, but it's inevitable that they find out and <em>when they do—</em></p>
<p><em>when they do</em> see the red tinted rinks underneath his sleeves - they look at him like he's broken, and he hates it, because he's <em>not</em> broken, this is <em>normal</em>, he doesn't need their pity, he doesn't.</p>
<p>And he isn't one to cry, yet he does and he can't bring himself to care anymore, and why should he? His beloved red-tinted rink has already been smashed into smithereens and he's tired now, too tired to do anything but laugh and laugh and laugh, and cry and cry and cry.</p>
<p>He's tired now, and regrets lay heavy on his chest, so he does nothing but slump against the wall, blood pooling around his chest.</p>
<p>———</p>
<p>Akabane Karma regrets a lot of things.</p>
<p>He regrets, first and foremost, leaving his best friend alone, all those years ago because of a silly, intrepid fear that stemmed from jealousy of his skills.</p>
<p>He regrets isolating him and ditching him the moment he saw fit, he regrets not doing more to help him with his own problems (like his mother, why on earth did he turn a blind eye to that?) he regrets getting into so many of those stupid fights when he was a stupid delinquent (even if he fought for the right reasons) he regrets putting his trust into Ono-sensei and getting it broken so easily, being so eager to please him so he couldn't help but feel betrayed in the end.</p>
<p>He regrets trying so hard to kill Koro-sensei that he jumped off that cliff without a moments hesitation—</p>
<p>Karma would not say that he is depressed, nor is he suicidal, but it was not exactly the first time that he had considered halting his glide against the rink and jamming his skates into the glass and watching it shatter into a million pieces, slowly drowning himself in the cool ice-water.</p>
<p>(Later, as he speaks with Gakushuu over skates on ice at an ice rink, he tells him of the thing he regrets the most, even to this very moment.</p>
<p>"I regret the fact that I had tried so <em>hard</em> to kill Koro-sensei that I hadn't taken the time to properly appreciate what exactly he had done for me, until he was dead. I regret my decision, at our class civil war, I regret being on the red-team who - and I know it was technically the proper and realistic choice, but we weren't a logical bunch, all of our reasons were sentimental - I regret the sentiment of my choice, that I was there to kill him because our bond was Assassin and Target.</p>
<p>Why hadn't I seen it before? We were Teacher and Student, first and foremost, Koro-sensei said it himself, Student and Teacher, but I didn't appreciate that, and chose Assassin and Target above that beautiful bond.</p>
<p>I hadn't even <em>thanked him</em>, while he was still alive, I didn't say a simple <em>'thank you'</em>, I couldn't bring myself to do it, and I regret that so tremendously much. I wanted to thank him, for everything he had done for us, for everything he had done for <em>me</em>.")</p>
<p>He regrets a lot.</p>
<p>But he's learning, slowly, that the past is in the past, and you can't regret things forever, you have to learn from them.</p>
<p>So Karma is trying, trying to stop the skates on skin for both himself and Gakushuu, trying to stop others from having the same thoughts, he's trying and he won't stop until he succeeds.</p>
<p>———</p>
<p>There's a stark difference between skating and cutting your skin, and Karma had always been haunted by his demons, demons he tries to overcome and he <em>can</em> overcome, thanks to everybody around him, who encouraged him to stop.</p>
<p>He thanks Koro-sensei with the entirety of his heart, as he was the one who changed his life, the one who was more of a parental figure to him than his own parents.</p>
<p>He thanks him, as he now safely glides over the ice, skates on ice and not on skin, no more red-tinted ice, no more red-tinted rinks.</p>
<p>He skates, safely now, side-by-side with his boyfriend as he, too, overcomes his demons.</p>
<p>Both their sleeves are folded up as they skate side-by-side, Karma isn't surprised to see scars on his skin but he's glad there are no more bandages nor blood on his arms.</p>
<p>He's glad now.</p>
<p>He doesn't regret anything, anymore, he's learned not to regret if he can learn his lessons.</p>
<p>He knows he had been dark places in his life and he knows he had done dark things, but it feels better now, as they skate side by side, hand in hand, as they take solace in each other's comfort.</p>
<p>And he knows there are other people in the world, currently in dark places doing dark things, and he can only hope they find a healthy outlet and find someone to rely on, someone who can confidently tell them <em>"Let go of your regrets and learn from them."</em></p>
<p>Karma knows they should never forget their regrets or past dark places, and he knows he won't forget them in a long, long time, but he's replaced the hurt feeling of regret and replaced it with reminisces of fond memories, as he's learned his lessons.</p>
<p>If feels nice, now, as he skates on ice, it's cold but it's never felt warmer in his heart, glancing at the violet-eyed boy beside him as he smiles cheekily.</p>
<p>"Ready to race, Second-Place? Winner gets a kiss and new skates!"</p>
<p>The strawberry-blonde smiles, genuinely, an excited glint in his violet eyes.</p>
<p>"You're on, Karma."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>( I implore you, if you are contemplating suicide or self-harm, please, please, contact professional help or tell important people in your life, there are better options, seek help and talk to somebody.)</p>
<p>This was actually the first prompt I wrote about, and I soon learned that I am in absolute awe and adoration of fan fiction writers, because writing fan fiction is freaking hard! It's even harder than writing a normal story!</p>
<p>If you have ever written a quality fan fiction, then you have my utmost respect.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>